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The Most Painful Kind of Freedom

Being loved is great, but have you tried enjoying no one giving a fuck about you?

We starve for love, but the lack of love sets us free
Love comes with chains
Of adulation and adoration
Our souls are bound
Indistinguishable from the desires that feeds us love
Destined to repeat the same show again and again
Like an actor stereotyped

The unloved have no such chains
No burden, no expectations, no locks
The curse of neglect might hover over them
Thirsting after the sweet nectar of validation
The neglect stretching their helpless souls
Like a medieval device torturing hapless bodies

But if they break free of the black hole of despair
They can see the light
And the freedom
And have the courage
To be disliked
To be unloved
To be themselves
And know it’s ok
Really, really ok.

“It’s that you are disliked by someone. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.” - Courage to be disliked

The most agonizing yet most freeing moments in my life always happened when I was unaccepted or refused acceptance into groups i desperately wanted to be part of. I cannot deny that I hated those moments, and a very deep part of me still wish I did not have to go through that. The pain of exclusion strikes at the core of our primal souls.

Yet, it is in those moments that i could let go of trying to live up to expectations, and trying to be accepted, and actually produce original and creative work that was a reflection of who I am vs what i thought others wanted.

In contrast, in the moments of time when I was accepted, I simply fell into worrying more about what the in-group thinks of me, whether I get invites to exclusive parties or if people like my work. I was them, not me.

Letting go of the need to be accepted, soaking in the righteous pain (it’s kinda like ice water treatment), embracing my own shitty self - that’s where a lot of my freedom now comes from.

So, fuck it.